Suicide Prevention Efforts Take on New Meaning for Couple

To this day, no one knows why 27-year-old Graham Edward Smith decided to take his own life.

But Smith's mother, Katherine Massey and her husband, Farmington Hills council member Ken Massey, want to do everything they can to ensure no other family has to endure what they're going through right now. In Graham's memory, they've established a memorial fund that will provide support for a Sept. 21 forum on suicide prevention at .

Ken Massey had been part of the committee planning the event months before Smith shot himself on May 9. The committee formed after council members became concerned over a report that 13 Farmington Hills children in one month had been referred for medical treatment after harming or threatening to harm themselves.

"It was just one of those 'wake up' moments," Ken Massey said. "Evidently, something was going on."

He worked with council members Nancy Bates and Randy Bruce to form the committee, which has been meeting since early this year. But nothing prepared him for the phone call he received the day after Mother's Day.

Katherine Massey said, aside from one relative diagnosed with bipolar disorder, there's no history of mental health problems in the family. Still, Graham had a very different temperament from his younger brother, Nate. The brothers lived together in Texas.

"Nate is very easygoing, Graham, not so much so," she said.

"It was written off as, that's just him, his personality," Ken Massey added.

But Graham was upbeat when he called on Mother's Day; he had just been promoted and would be managing his own "store" in the upscale restaurant chain for which he worked.

"He was actually in a good mood. We talked about Mother's Day and how busy it is in restaurants across the board," Katherine Massey said. "I told him he should just be patient with people. ... He sounded like he was really enthused."

At 4:45 the next morning, the Masseys got a call from Nate, who said something was wrong. Graham had run into the apartment, shuffled through some things and left. When Nate went outside, he saw Graham's car and police vehicles.

Ken Massey said the officers had tried to pull over Graham's car for speeding, and Graham took off. They eventually followed him home, but when officers got to the car, he was gone, leaving behind his cell phone and business cards.

When Nate went back inside, he realized Graham had taken the licensed handgun Nate carries because of his work.

Upset, Katherine Massey made the decision to stay home, waiting for word about her son. Ken Massey went into his office. It wasn't long before his phone rang.

"They told us they found Graham, and he was deceased," he said. "Then they asked me the stupidest question: Do you want us to call your wife?"

Ken Massey couldn't imagine someone else delivering the news. He also couldn't imagine how he was going to find the words to tell her himself. He called Farmington Hills Police Chief Chuck Nebus, who immediately drove to pick him up. Accompanied by the department's chaplain, Rev. Ralph Rebandt, the two men drove to the Massey home in west Farmington Hills.

"All I did was walk in the door," he said. "There was no need for me to even tell her."

In those first hours, the layers of the onion began to peel back, Ken Massey said. Graham had some outstanding traffic tickets that he'd said he had taken care of, but hadn't. He had been out drinking with friends.

"Couple alcohol with stress and sprinkle it with some underlying depression that may have gone undiagnosed, and maybe that was enough to push it over that edge," he said.

Still, he adds, there's "nothing that in any logical way explains what happened on May 9."

That's why the Sept. 21 community meeting is so important, the Masseys said. Targeted to parents, young people ages 12 to 18, teachers, the faith community and service club members, the event will focus on how to recognize when young people are in trouble and offer them help.

While there weren't signs of trouble with Graham, Katherine Massey said, keeping the lines of communication open can help identify sudden behavior changes or a shift from normal social activities. Everyone in the community is encouraged to get involved and increase their awareness about suicide prevention.

"Sometimes, it's casual acquaintances that really notice a difference, because they don't see them every day," she said. "When you see someone every day, it's easy to ignore a gradual change."

"The idea that you're somehow immune is obviously incorrect," Ken Massey said. "Those lines of communication are critically important. This can happen to anybody."

The Masseys are grateful to the community for the outpouring of support they received after Graham's death—and in particular, their neighbors, who brought food and even took time from work to spend time with them. They made a decision early on to talk openly about Graham's death; a big part of the task force's message has been to bring suicide into the open, because families often hesitate or even refuse to talk about it.

But when it comes right down to it, they point out, talking can save lives.

"Suicide was a very permanent solution to a very temporary problem," Ken Massey said. "Whatever threw Graham into that mindset, we would have helped him get through that crisis. Call, text ... let your friends and your community support you."

Featured speakers at the forum will include Eric Hipple, former Detroit Lion and current UM Depression Center Outreach Coordinator, and Jeff Edwards, chairman of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Both men lost their sons to suicide and now reach out to others to create an awareness of the disease of depression and its link to suicide.

The forum will begin at 6:45 p.m. with refreshments and networking, followed by the program from 7-8:30 p.m. There is no charge to attend. For more information, call the city manager’s office at 248-871-2500.

Contributions to the Graham E. Smith Memorial Fund for Suicide Prevention may be made at any Huntington Bank, or sent to 36796 Quakertown Lane, Farmington Hills, MI 48331.